HOT TAKE Spotlight: Dakota War Preschool… By: Chris Larson

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Defining the REAL conservatives.

(a parody)

This week’s post is an important one, as I’ve been told, for the future of this Party that I have served for over 30 years.

As you all know, I’ve been serving in my capacity as the #1 conservative outlet for political news in South Dakota -and I mean the REAL news- ever since I was gently encouraged to leave the SOS office & generously funded by high level Party members to help keep our glorious SDGOP strong and prosperous. Obviously I can’t name these pillars of the Party, but let’s just say that if they were to ever visit your typical small SD town for some reason, a pheasant hunt or something, doesn’t matter, the rubes would line up to get selfies.

So you know that when I take the time to share my wisdom with you, my many fans, it comes delivered to you with the 100% approved stamp of Truth, handed down to me by our wise and magnanimous elite thinkers in the Party, and their donors.

I’m excited to announce that a new PAC has been formed to help educate the low IQ voters on who & who isn’t a REAL CONSERVATIVE. It’s called We’reTheRealConservativesSD & I can share with you that it is VERY well funded. So far we’ve seen local SD heroes Joe Kirby, the Kippleys, Dusty Johnson, the Knudsons, T. Denny, and even staunch conservative Nikki Haley has kicked in a couple million.

The goal of this PAC is to identify and destroy any new political groups or candidates that may decide, without any permission or guidance from smart, experienced & connected established Party members, to suddenly get “involved in politics”. As if serving the Party is something that average people could even begin to understand. Leave it to professionals people!

We’ll start with what I’ve cleverly coined “the Robber Barons”. These are nobodies who think that just because they managed to build successful businesses that serve their community for decades, they have the audacity to believe they have anything worthwhile to contribute to the Party. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: BUSINESS PEOPLE DON’T BELONG IN POLITICS!

Stay in your lane losers!

Two of theses jonnie-come-lateley’s should be familiar to you, my loyal readers. The most well known of these is the car dealer that I’m sure will go away one of these days. You definitely don’t want to contribute any money to his dumb little PAC here »> Dakota First Action PAC

The other one is some mattress whackjob (that’s what Lee told me) from Sioux Falls. His Substack is best avoided and not to be subscribed to by any self respecting Party member.

These people are definitely NOT CONSERVATIVES.

Another annoying non-conservative who just can’t seem to stay out of the news is Jon Hansen. I mean, come on Jon, we all are “pro life” here in the Party, but you seem to be obsessed with babies. You are simply too radical. We who run this Party are in it to win, and babies can’t even vote! Besides, you’ll never be as smart, tall or dreamy as the real John. I have JT on speed dial. Do you?

That’s what I thought.

You are not a REAL CONSERVATIVE!

As I reported the other day, some pathetic little nobodies filed some paperwork with the SOS and are now trying to get voters to Vote No in NOvember – NO in NOvember websight (Please contribute!) I won’t bother you with all the boring details. I mean, who cares?! Just be assured that these little groups of non-approved random citizens are NOT CONSERVATIVE. I don’t remember seeing any of these pissants in my college Political Science classes, after all.

Next week I’ll name some of the whack-a-doodle legislators that are quite obviously NOT CONSERVATIVE. You know, the “Karla Lems” types. Ewwww.

One final tidbit. It has come to my attention that some trolls out there have taken to calling me “Lil PP” behind my back, as an insult I guess. Well, the joke’s on you! That happens to be what my dear mother called me, and she loved my very much. When I was a little boy she’d say “Lil PP, you’re going to be a very important big man someday. Women will want you, and men will want to be you”. And in high school, when the boys would stuff me into a locker, she’d say “Don’t cry Lil PP. They’re just jealous that they don’t have a mommy that loves them so much, like you do!”

So go ahead, call me Lil PP all you want. I LOVE IT.

Please like and share my Facebook posts. I’ve only been averaging 1.2 likes per post this year, but Dusty assured me that’s just because of the evil censors.

Lil PP

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